I love you most
Do children really love their parents as much as their parents love them? It seems impossible that such a little soul could love that much. Harrison’s new, adorable thing is telling me that he loves me most. To which I always respond, “Impossible”. Because, to me it seems impossible that he could ever understand the depths at which I love him.
I carried him in me for 9 months, loving him when he became a heartbeat and daydreamed about what he’d look like. I loved him even more when he was born and I had to witness him in pain as they pricked his foot to test for jaundice. I vowed then to always protect him from unnecessary pain. I loved him more when I learned all his crying and pain was caused by my dairy consumption and his allergy…and this Wisconsinite promptly gave up my favorite food group because my love for him was far greater. I have taken him places to show him the world. I have introduced him to all my favorite people to share the love I feel from them with him. I moved him across the country to be with his grandparents and create lifelong memories with them. I read him books and sing him songs every night. I listen to every adorable story he tells me. I play with him to let his imagination expand. I’m quick to pick him up every time he falls or stubs his toes because his pain is my pain. How could he possibly think he loves me more than my heart that explodes with joy and happiness at the thought of him?
Because he heard my heartbeat every day for 9 months. Because when he was being pricked for jaundice at two days old, he looked to me for comfort. Because when he was being poisoned by the dairy in my breast milk, it was also my breast milk that temporarily relieved the pain. Because as we have traveled the world and he has met new people, he has never been afraid because I’m there with him and he trusts me. Because I am one of his best friends, his safe place, and his mother. Because I have shown him love every day of his life and taught him how to love so fiercely.
Maybe it’s not impossible for him to love me as much as I love him, but I still love him most.